Anyone Who Had a Heart
by Myriaddd
Summary: Small insight into the lesser known moments of Mara Jade as Emperor's Hand. Oneshot, introspection, angst


**Title:** Anyone Who Had a Heart .

**Timeframe** Pre-ANH to ROTJ-era . ****

**Characters: **Mara Jade, some Palpatine

**Notes:** I do not own Star Wars. This was partially inspired by Shelby Lynne's version of the song from which I shamelessly stole this title. :p Thoughts/feedback appreciated :)

* * *

The ship deck was cold under her small, bare feet. She curled up quietly in the corner, hoping her trembling would stop soon. Large emerald eyes surveyed the area with intense accusation and curiosity, mixed with misty confusion.

_Where am I?_

The sudden thought shocked her thoroughly, and she found she could not even begin to answer such a question. Previous thoughts were suddenly blurry and unreadable.

_Where are my parents? How did I get here? Surely my parents didn't take me here. Only seconds ago, I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating… eating…_

Golden-red brows scrunched together in firm concentration. What _had_ she been eating? Such a needless detail, but in the back of her mind the thought nagged, and the realization that she could not fathom the piece of food sitting on her plate mere hours ago.

In fact, most memories were starting to blur. All she could remember was him: the Emperor. And her name: Mara Jade.

Almost as if the memory had been wiped clean

She sucked in a breath, pulling the turquoise shawl closer. Highly unlikely. In fact, she could remember everything else but her breakfast. A simple mistake, that's all. _My name is Mara Jade, this bracelet on my wrist I made three weeks ago, and the planet I live on is, is…_

Blank. The name evaded her. Come to think of it, she could not even recall what the planet looked like. What her house looked like.

What her parents looked like.

Mara looked down at her hands and noticed they were trembling violently. _I have to relax_,she reminded herself. _Calm down_. She fidgeted momentarily with the beaded jewelry on her wrist before letting it drop once more. She glanced at the walls around her again, her original thought returning. _Where am I?_

Images assaulted her vision without warning like rapid blasterfire. The Emperor, calmly opening the front door to her house with a group of stormtroopers following in his wake. The Emperor, pushing aside chairs and advancing on her, eyes ablaze. The Emperor, arms outstretched, emitting blue lightening from his gnarled fingernails…

Killing her parents.

Before she even had time to register the shock of this revelation, a nearby door burst open, nearly a half a dozen storm troopers filing into the room with no more sound than the clicking of their boot heels. She watched in stony silence.

The Empire had no heart. They took her roughly from the life she knew, and now had no memory of. And something, a small whisper from the winds, told her that the future ahead would never be the same. What had been taken would never return.

A cloaked figure emerged from the rear of the group, walking slowly in her direction. When he spoke, it seemed to chill Mara down to the very bone.

"Welcome to the Death Star, youngling."

* * *

The man's kiss was rough, demanding, and revolting. His unshaven face and grimy hands were neither appealing to the senses, nor to Mara's weary state of mind. What pleasure was to be gained from such a sickening act? She had no feelings for this man, and she suspected it was mutual.

Mara had come seeking simple, mindless pleasure, an act she previously thought beneath her. Instead it had become something to distract her, if only temporarily, from the void that had become her life. Torn of all emotion and feeling, her purpose existed solely for the Emperor. She had grown used to the killings long ago, of course, but the emptiness always lurked in her mind, waiting patiently, and sought to destroy her.

She studied the man sitting in front of her more closely. He knew nothing, not even a name. It was better that way, less attachment and less feeling. An exact mirror to the rest of her life.

His touch moved closer, more intimate, and she was surprised to find herself flinching away. This was not how she wanted to spend the remainder of the evening hours… or even the next minute. It was time to leave.

Removing herself from his embrace she rose from the creaky cantina table. His vain smirk faded swiftly into confusion, and then anger. As she strode away in silence his yells could be heard throughout the entire cantina. His pleas fell on deaf ears, for she did not stop walking until she was out in the moonlight once more.

She collapsed against an alley wall, closing her eyes in frustration. This errant juncture spent in between missions was maddening. Killing was not an honorable trade in the least, but any activity was better than this stagnant, wasted time.

Too much effort spent thinking about what had been done and not enough time taking action was a recipe for disaster. Waiting was not a task Mara handled well.

Digging through her jacket pocket, she was dismayed to find only a small collection of credits, barely enough for a meager meal. While in the process of searching through a separate pocket, a slight twinge of anticipation flowed through her Force sense.

Within seconds, her comlink chirped, and she need not look to see who requested attention. Relief coursed through her, and a feeling of detached calm settled over her entire body.

"What is thy bidding, my master?'

* * *

Mara exhaled deeply, frozen breath drifting outwards like smoke from her chapped lips in the frigid wintry climate. A cloak of silence hung in the air over the empty meadow. She was the only living being present. Not a single soul had survived her onslaught.

Her eyes scanned the surrounding area, heart pounding from lingering adrenaline and Force-awareness. Drops of crimson blood speckled and splattered across the immaculate shining snow while meters to the left a small group of humanoid troopers lay fallen and scattered—dead.

Mission executed.

She nudged one of the victims with the tip of her boot to prove her assumption. Brushing aside slight disgust at the inhumane nature, she bent down and began collecting their dropped blasters.

When she had finished, Mara straightened, and was surprised at the uneasy feeling building in her stomach. The adrenaline had left her body, and instead of being replaced with grim satisfaction as most times it did, she felt decidedly _empty_.

Extending her arms outward into the crisp, cool air, the lids of her eyes fell closed. Each breathy inhale dragged more icy breath into her lungs, burning her throat. She paid it no notice and continued simply breathing. The Force swirled in awareness around her, both Dark and Light sides reaching her awareness.

Small flakes of snow rained down on her face and bare skin and caught in her flaming hair. Billions of flakes, and not a single one alike. _Much like human lives._

A twinge of misgiving resounded in her gut unexpectedly. Hold on, from where had that thought sprung?

Both legs trembled weakly, and she sunk to her knees in a snowdrift Mara Jade pressed her hands to her face as subtle realizations washed over her. There was no turning back now. Her life was dedicated to the Emperor, and the Emperor alone. Mindless killer she may be, but it was the only life left.

Both hands fell limp to her sides, and she stared up at grey sky above. Her eyes surveyed the eerie silence of the clearing while thousands of flakes continued to fall. Each one so brilliantly unique, soon to be lost in the myriad of snow already piled on the ground.

So quick to be erased…

_No, mustn't think like that_. Her mission was to serve her Master, nothing more than complete loyalty. Such a trait was honorable in the eyes of servitude. Yet somehow each delicate snowflake drove its way into her heart as a sickening reminder… chilling not only her senses, but also her soul.

She was the Emperor's Hand. This was her life, and there was no way to change it. Killing was her life. Anyone who had a heart would fall victim to the horrors, but Mara would not.

She no longer had a heart.


End file.
